Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
