No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
