If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Never underestimate the power of titties
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
