First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
