Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
