I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
