If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
