I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
why do cheetos always look like penises
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
