Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
