she looked like the before picture.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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