I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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