Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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