Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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