a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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