If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
