Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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