Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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