Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
