tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
