apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
