I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
