Acid is not a monday night drug
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
