I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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