Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
