I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
