They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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