those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
4 words: hood of his car
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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