dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
