if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
