Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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