We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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