I just pynch a tree in the face
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
