Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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