HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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