he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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