i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
