So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
