I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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