Even the bartender felt bad for me
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
