I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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