after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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