spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
