4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
