the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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