bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
