Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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