Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
