What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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