Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
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