you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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