I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
